


If this ain't love, then how do we get out?

by Solania



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Songfic, Supernatural Season 6, Witch!Original Character, Witchcraft, hunter!original Character, kinda angsty, spoiler season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 21:19:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solania/pseuds/Solania
Summary: Post season 5 - Spoilers for the previous seasons. After Sam fell in the cage, Dean stopped hunting. When he left that life, he not only left behind the family business, he also left someone. A year later, they're still haunted by their past love. Songfic, based on Savior by Rise Against.





	If this ain't love, then how do we get out?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I never intended to post this, because I personally don't read Original Character stories. But I really enjoyed writing this piece, so if anyone likes it too, that's a win. There's nothing you really need to know about the OC, except that she's a witch and a hunter, has purple eyes and often carves runes in her skin or uses her blood for spells, so she has a lot of scars on her arms.  
> I recommend that you listen to  Savior by Rise Against  while reading, but that's your call. Also sorry for my mistakes, English isn't my first language. [EDIT: AO3 seems to be blocking my links, sorry about that]

_It kills me not to know this_  
_But I've all but just forgotten_  
_But the color of her eyes were_  
_And her scars or how she got them_

They'd been apart for a year now, and his memories of them together were buried at the back of his brain. He could have dug them out, but he did not want to. He was building his happiness here, without her. It had taken a while, but now he could look at those  purple morning glories  in Lisa's garden without being reminded of Solania's eyes. When he heard the heavy noise of a motorcycle nearby, he did not expect to see the  black Dyna Guerilla  pulling up toward him anymore. And when sometimes he woke up after dreaming about her lips, her laugh and the way she grabbed his jacket to bring him closer, he could not remember the patterns her scars drew on the skin of her arms. He would not remember.

_As the telling signs of age rain down_  
_A single tear is droppin'_  
_Through the valleys of an aging face_  
_That this world has forgotten_

Occasionally, her vision became blurry though she always held back the tears. One thing had changed over the months: Dean Winchester was not the reason she was crying anymore. She did not feel a lump in her throat when she left the grocery shop without buying pie and a six-pack of beers. Her heart did not clench when the screen of her phone lit up and he was not the one calling. She stopped expecting to find the Impala following her motorbike on the road. When she listened to Led Zeppelin, she could not remember the sound of his voice singing along. She was okay with buying her own flannel shirts instead of stealing his. She was doing just fine without him, what killed her was the loneliness and how everyone seemed to have forgotten she even existed.

_There is no reconciliation_  
_That will put me in my place_  
_And there is no time like the present_  
_To drink these draining seconds_

Dean knew there would be no forgiveness for him. There was no going back, he would never wake up with her face pressed to his chest and her fingers in his hair anymore. How could there be forgiveness when he threw her out of his life so harshly? One day they were together, the next he was telling her not to talk to him ever again. The worst part was that she had done nothing wrong, she was just being herself. But that he could not handle anymore. The witchcraft, the weapons, the constant fear of losing what – who – you loved. He had to get out of this life, to a calmer place where she could not follow. And at times when this peaceful existence he had chosen became too quiet, too easy somehow, he did what he always had to manage: he pulled out a glass and poured some whiskey. 

_But seldom do these words ring true_  
_When I'm constantly failing you_  
_Like walls that we just can't break through_  
_Until we disappear_

A year, fading memories and healed wounds. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that was consuming him. He kept her away from his thoughts, but the weight on his chest remained. She was alone on the road, hunting, because he had failed to be strong enough to follow her.  
Solania loved who she was, she was proud of her powers and to be a hunter. But when the deepest and darkest nights overcame her, she wished she had been capable of changing. She wished she could leave all the curses and demons behind.  
In spite of their regrets and pain, they never thought of looking for each other. That time had passed. Their time had passed.

_So tell me now_  
_If this ain't love_  
_Then how do we get out?_  
_'Cause I don't know_

Their love was dead, but a part of them could not move on.

_That's when she said_  
_"I don't hate you, boy, I just want to save you_  
_While there's still something left to save"_

She had fought so hard to destroy the pact he had made to save Sam. She had used all of her magic, her hunter knowledge and her physical strength to save him from the deal. But it had never been the real battle to save Dean. She should have fought against him, and prevented him from giving up on himself.

_That's when I told her_  
_"I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer_  
_For the questions that you still have"_

He held her in his arms to keep her together when she crashed too hard. She was tough and independent, but he could never leave her when her breath was short and her heart beating too fast. He'd hold her for hours, knowing she was hoping to hear comforting words he could not offer. The deaths and massacres would never stop, it was a promise he could not make.

_And the day pressed on like crushing weights_  
_For no man does it ever wait_  
_Like memories of dying days_  
_That deafen us like hurricanes_

Alcohol only made it worse but he did not know how else to cope. He'd spend these hard evenings looking at the bottom of his glass, thinking of how well they worked together. How she'd stop monsters, holding her hand in the air, while he shot them down. How he knew when to duck when she was going to throw a knife. How she'd cover him when he just ran for it, being as careless as he was.  
He remembered how she'd hug him every time they both made it out alive. How she'd crush her mouth against his when things had gone bad and she'd been scared for him. How they forgot the blood and violence in each other's arms, in shitty motels and squeaky beds. Her moans and screams still filled his ears.

_Bathed in flames we held the brand_  
_Uncurled the fingers in your hand_  
_Pressed into the flesh like sand_  
_Now do you understand?_

It was hard not to flinch when people asked her why she wasn't with the Winchester brothers anymore. Because they'd often worked together during the past years, some hunters had called her the “Winchester third wheel”. Though she hated the nickname, she hated to tell she was not hunting with the siblings even more. She remembered how she once held Dean's hand, as they were back to back, beheading vampires coming at them. How he trusted her enough to fight with just her by his side. How efficient they were together. She couldn't get out of her mind the times when he had rushed to make sure she was okay, holding her face between his hands. Or the times when he joined her in her bed once the lights were out, so she would not feel cold after seeing how cruel the world was. She could still hear him whispering in her ear as he slid his hands on her body.

_So tell me now_  
_If this ain't love_  
_How do we get out?_  
_'Cause I don't know_

They had never been supposed to fall in love. It happened anyway.

_That's when she said_  
_"I don't hate you, boy, I just want to save you_  
_While there's still something left to save"_

She believed so hard in him and everything he could be. She wanted to show him how great and amazing he was to her. After he went through hell and back, she always cleared his doubts and made sure he knew he deserved to be here, at her side again.

_That's when I told her_  
_"I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer_  
_For the questions that you still have"_

At first he had hated her abilities. Dean never liked witches, she was his only exception. He'd defend her against other hunters if he had to, but he could never defend her against her own self-loathing. Solania had many battles to fight on her own.

_One thousand miles away_  
_There's nothing left to say_  
_But so much left that I don't know_

There they were, in different states on each side of the country, miles away. They had not talked at all after Dean left. Not even on the phone. Some things were better left unsaid anyway.

_We never had a choice_  
_This world is too much noise_  
_It takes me under_  
_It takes me under once again_

Like life had brought them together unexpectedly, and it had driven them apart just as quickly. The consequence of bad choices, maybe, or an inevitable conclusion. They had both been through so much that they knew they would be alright, eventually.

_But tell me now_  
_If this ain't love_  
_Then how do we get out?_  
_'Cause I don't know_

Their love burned deep, and it felt like they'd been holding their breath for this past year.

_That's when she said_  
_"I don't hate you, boy, I just want to save you_  
_While there's still something left to save"_

She remembered how she confessed when Dean just had a few weeks left to live. He had to know. They had failed to find a way out of the deal again, but her decision was not led by despair. It was led by hope. Hope that this thing they had could make their chaotic lives sweeter. She told him when he wasn't looking at her. She wasn't scared but she could not face the Winchester, she could not look him in the eye as the three words escaped her lips.

_That's when I told her_  
_"I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer_  
_For the questions that you still have"_

Dean had a rule: no chick flick moments. Years ago, he had wondered if he should tell her about his true feelings. For weeks he had been torn, not wanting to break her heart as he knew he would not be able to bring her what she needed. But when he came back to life and saw Solania again, he was not ashamed to say it out loud. Whispering “I love you” with his gaze locked on her purple eyes was the easiest thing he had done in his entire life.

_I don't hate you  
No, I don't hate you _

Solania could never bring herself to hate Dean. Not when he had treated her like crap because she was a witch. Not when he had decided to sacrifice himself. Not when he left her alone to live a regular life. But when she saw him standing with his gun in his hand, hunting again, after over a year of silence, and working with the very same people who were torturing her, she had never felt this angry.

**Author's Note:**

> When I say that she's being tortured, it's just because she's been caught by Sam and Dean's cousins who brought her to Samuel Campbell. And these boys don't play nice with witches. That's where she sees the brothers for the first time in a year. I wouldn't be too pleased either...  
> Thank you so much for reading. I'd really like to know if anyone enjoyed this, so if you could please leave kudos and/or comments that would be incredible. Thanks.


End file.
